No Tiger? No Problem. The US Open Live. -TOMP

Alright, it's 2:10, Tiger's +3, it's not looking good for him. Lucky for us, Phil's on a mission to save Amy's Ta-Tas, so we've got that working for us. I'm accompanied by Grandpa Hagan and Michael 'Mustang' Roche. Let's do this.

2:13-Phil for par, he's really got his eyes on the prize today, but I expect nothing but a Winged Foot implosion. Amy's nervous.

2:16-Chris decides to get up. There's a Coastal Flood Advisory in Farmingdale, NY. I'm gonna go ahead and say that can't bode well for anyone today.

2:18-Our first Crack joke of the day. It's only a matter of time before "Spread your cheeks, and lift your sack" becomes the saying of the tourney. We're at commercial, by the way.

3:16-Phil's trying to redeem himself off the shitty drive. Killer backspin approach shot. He's dancin' close to the hole.

2:20-We've just been informed that Ortiz has hit his 6th home run of the year. The HGH eye drops strike again.

2:21-Barnes (our current leader) for birdie. He shorts that one like a girl trying out for QB on a football team.

2:22-Tiger for birdie. He blows it, still at +3. We've just been informed that something "just isn't clicking." No shit. He's 13 back, "He's got this." -Gpa Hagan

2:23-Tiger hits the Par 3 with a 6 iron. Tiger's dancing like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. 7 feet, max.

2:25-Ricky Barnes is having his, "coming out party." Thanks NBC, I'll call LGBT.

2:31-Tiger's up for birdie again. Lets see him sink that shit. BOO YA!!!!! Tiger at +2. Damn right, that's what he's used to.

2:31-Ricky Barnes is playing quite a round of golf. Just nailed a ball a bit off the green, but he's kept his cool. It's impressive.

2:33-Hunter Mahan just sank back to back birdies, and is till over 5 back. Barnes has got a stranglehold on the field.

2:34-If you're bored, heckle.

2:37-"That's what you call straight." -NBC. There sure is a lot of sexuality related comments in today's broadcast.

2:40-Barnes is feelin' the heat now, complete choke job driving on 10.

2:42-Barnes save a stroke, they found his ball in the swamp.

2:48-Tiger's up for eagle. NBD. Excellence is the only thing going through his mind. AHHHHH, misses it by inches, the birdie will be a cake walk, we'll assume Tiger's at +1.

2:49-Barnes is the singing in the rain trying to figure out how to get his shank out of the jungle. Takes his sweet ass time. Christ, nails right onto the green. Should be able to get away with losing no more than 1 stroke. This guy will choke, I can feel it.

2:57-Lucas Glover decides to hit the only birdie of the day on 10. He's 4 back of Barnes. Too bad this is only the third round.

3:00-Barnes: Back in the Bush-The Anne Heche Story.

3:02-Phil with back to back birdies, 8 back of the lead. Mickelson's on the hunt.

3:03-A sneaky comeback from the Goose. He's at -1, tied with Phil.

3:06-Phil went for it. It didn't go well.

3:11-Glover sinks a pretty birdie. He's got a deadset look in his eye. I like his chances, "a born winner."

3:12-David Duval continues to fall off the golf map...

3:13-Tiger's got another long putt. He needs this.

3:14-Tiger continues to miss the long ones.

3:27-Barnes has his first 3 putt of the Open. This baby is getting closer & closer.

3:35-Duval with some signs of life. Pitch right near the hole.

3:36-WOW! Phil hits a long one on the green. Amy's ta-tas have jumped for joy.

3:43-Dice-K to the DL. There's a lot of happy Sox fans right now.

3:43-The crowd can't stop cheering for the ta-tas husband.

3:47-Phil blows a big birdie. Harsh.

3:51-Tiger misses another putt to get back in this. Total snooze fest happening for round 3 at Bethpage.

4:01-Phil nails another birdie to close out the 3rd. Clearly, he is the hot commodity going into tomorrow.


This seems like the day is pretty much wrapped. We'll get an update up when the the 4th day is in the record books.