Bill Russell: Chicken Soup For The NBA Big Man's Soul

Meet the NBA's Dr. Phil. Bill Russell gets a one on one opportunity with the former swimmer, Tim Duncan. You'll probably recall some similar interview from last season with everyone's homeboy, KG.

I'm waiting for a weekly podcast.

Look Familiar?

Just When I Was Excited For The Return Of The NBA...

...I saw this.

Oh My God.

NFL Thoughts & Frustrations

Going through the NFL games today, here are some of the things I have been able to pick up on throughout today's action.

-Eli Manning Sucks.

I called this one a little while back, and now the Giants are finally playing a decent team, and oh, look they're getting their asses handed to them. As I type, the Saints have just gone up 27-10.

Annoying Giants' Fan: Waaaahhhhh, look at Eli. He's been dynamite in every other game.

My Counter: False. He only played half the game versus the Raiders, and there were 2 pick 6s in that Cowboys game, so don't try and sell me on this Eli Manning is one of the best in the league right now. Four of their five wins came against these teams: Redskins, Buccaneers, Chiefs and Raiders. Oh, what's their combined record? 3-17. Real solid, right? Please note the Cowboys have won that same number of games, and arguably could/should have taken victories home in the Giants and Broncos opportunities.

-I'm Sick of the Redskins

Can someone please explain what happened in the offseason that changed this team that much? I mean they weren't great my any means, but they won games and put up numbers on teams. Clinton Portis is about as effective from the backfield as nature's speed bump, the manatee.

Well, Jason got benched, and Clinton bursted for his career long carry. How things change.

-Josh Cribbs Is Whatever Offense The Browns Have

Pay this guy already. I wonder how comparable the situations are between Oakland & Cleveland. I mean at least it's nice to live in Oakland, right?

Notre Dame Football is (Still Not) Back! A Follow Up

So, the game may have come down to 4 plays within the USC 10 for Jimmy Clausen and the boys, but I'm perfectly fine with where I left my assessment. My laptop battery was dying, and the cord was outside in my car.

Notre Dame Football is Back! The USC, ND Live Blog -TOMP

...from the 2nd quarter on...

In case you missed the first quarter, there was a Matt Barkley touchdown pass through a coverage on par with Lions defense, and was soon followed by a Notre Dame fake field goal that led to a rush TD. Epic stuff.

I'm still trying to get over how the east coast was unable to watch most of the Texas, Oklahoma game due to the feed in from the UConn, Louisville match up from the Big East Network. Isn't it bad enough that the NC State, BC game is being aired after that?

14:54-Barkley nearly throws the 1st & 10 pick. Shades of Jimmy Clausen circa, 2007.

14:46-Joe McKnight rips a 20 yd run on a sweep play. It has been confirmed that McKnight is still ONLY a junior, despite the odd feeling that he has been there since the Reggie Bush era.

13:50-Another 24 yd up the gut run. Notre Dame reaffirms that they are terrible on defense.

12:44-Three more points for USC. Disappointing to say the least. 10-7, Trojan men.

11:51-Notre Dame's best player, Jimmy Clausen is now 3/9 for 20 yards. Please note that the kick holder, Eric Maust, who threw the ball on the fake field goal back in the first quarter is 1/1 for 25 yards. NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL IS BACK!

10:14-We've just been informed that Matt Barkley is in the same spot now Clausen was back in '07, as true freshman starting for their programs. The biggest similarity here seems to be how bad both of these two blew as freshmen. Jimmy's freshman year he completed 56% of his passes for 7 TDs and 6 INTs for 1254 yards. Sounds like a Heisman guy to me! I'll take Chad Henne with his 25 TDs, 2700 yards and a trip to the Rose Bowl.

8:22-USC nearly fumbles, painting a horribly misleading image that the Irish are playing effectively. Their best player is Matt Barkley. Put in Mitch Mustain already. While we're waiting for the refs to confirm that this was not a fumble, I highly recommend watching the below video for an idea of when one has had too much:

7:24-The score is now 13-7, Trojans. I'm convinced I'm watching the 2 worst big name qbs in the nation. I have no clue what 3 plays the Irish allowed USC to run to get that close to the end zone.

Commercial-Saw VI!!! Lost your lunch recently?

Commercial-SNL is on tonight. It is also exclusively sponsored by Bud Light Golden Wheat. I was appalled with Bud Light Lime. I think this has gone too far.

5:34-Notre Dame bursts for back to back explosive ways. Looks like back to back blown USC coverage. They'll bounce back.

3:17-Notre Dame blows the drive and punts. Good to see them back in stride.

1:45-Holding on USC. Intentional Grounding on USC, thanks Matt Barkley. Oh, and almost a fumble from Barkley. The #1 QB coming out of high school in the nation!

:56-USC punts to Golden Ta(in)te. I think the punter just made the play of the game somehow catching a one hopped snap. Yeah, it has been that kind of half.

HALFTIME-Arkansas is beating Florida 10-7? Where is God's personal touch?

11:13-Clausen completes a pass to a WR that looks exactly like Jeff Szmardgia. Where do they find these guys?

7:29-Finally. A decent big TD play. Lovely swing pass to one of the 7 Top 10 rated WR recruits on USC for 6. 20-7 USC. It aint lookin good for the Irish.

(FL)2:59-God's second born throws a giant 77 yd TD pass. 13-10, Gators.

7:15-Jimmy Clausen was just delivered a sack lunch. Ouch.

5:18-Clausen nails Tate with a bomb. That was absurd. Super awkward celebration ensues. Jimmy really needs to work on those moves.

3:45-So, now Barkley delivers an amazing throw on 3rd and 8. The QBs have turned it on in the 2nd half. 1st and goal USC.

2:35-Another TD. 27-14, Trojans.

13:33-McKnight with the TD for USC. I'm calling it. It's over.

The Way It Was -TOMP

I can't Help but agree with Chad Ford on this one. The first NBA experience I had was watching Jordan and the Bulls go at it with Barkley's Suns, and for the love of God it was just amazing to see. Little did I know that this would be the short end of the tenure for the NBA's greatest player.

The next two years greatly shaped my sports viewing life as I lived just outside of Houston from '92-'95. That left me to experience the end of Jordan's first run and the back to back Clutch City titles featuring "The Dream, who was ironically the number 1 pick in Jordan's draft" as the Bulls were no longer in the picture.

The era felt like it was lacking, The toughness was gone, that I've seen so much of through ESPN Classic games. Note, that those games featured the Bad Ass Pistons of the 80s who lost their flair after '91.

Regardless, I was able to witness Jordan's return (as 45) back in '96 and there really hasn't been a more incredible comeback in the history of sports.

Following that. 3 more rings. Boom. You can't help but wonder what would have have happened if he hadn't been suspended for gambling in '94 & '96.

A sad story indeed.

Death of a Legend

The holder of such legendary names as James Dalton, Johnny Castle, and Bodhi has finally lost his battle with cancer. He beat the shit out of pancreatic cancer for a year and a half, when most normal men last only 3 to 6 months. Swayze was way past his prime in terms of producing classics such as Roadhouse, Dirty Dancing, Red Dawn, and Point Break, but those movies will be watchable forever. RIP 1952-2009.

"Pain Don't Hurt"

ESPN Likes To Tell Jokes

Come On....

Go Blue!!!!

A Summary Of The Bears' & Broncos' Offseason

Finally -TOMP

"Found this DeadSpin user comment hilarious based on eerily similar coaches and lieutenants. Just for note, you should check out Google Images to see the most common movie poster, but do yourself a favor and don't watch it. I mean, even a nun gets raped. Yeah, I'm serious. Oh, God. There's a sequel coming out too. With Nic Cage. FML" -TOMP

Football is back, and I've been so busy absorbing in what's happened over the last week that I haven't been able to compile my thoughts together until now. In no particular order, here are my random points of discussion following the conclusion of the first week of the NCAA and going right into the first week of the NFL season.

1.) You may recall some rant nearing the end of March Madness referring to the highlight of the tourney having to do with me seeing Duke get their asses kicked at TD Bank(North) Garden. Well, some things have changed since then. You will find their 2nd tier overrated benched point guard, #3 (clearly labeled in this past post), may have pulled a crazy move and transferred to 'Cuse, only to be named the starting quarterback of the team after the first week of practice.

Needless to say, this in was only one of the many factors that made this the worst sports associated summers of my sort of short life. Well, had to bite the bullet last week and watch 'Cuse play on national TV in their season debut vs. the Golden Gophers. Now, I don't feel like digging through the records to find all of the nationally televised Syracuse football games from the last 5 years or so, but I can pretty much guarantee the record is about 2-9. Assuming those numbers are accurate, you know one came from last year's Notre Dame upset.

Now, you may call to mind that analysts were calling this one of the worst defeat/collapses of all time, but seeing as how Notre Dame is one of my least favorite things of all time (Note, that Dan has moved on to smaller and lamer things), and that win alone made up for a lot of disappointments over the last few years. So, by my count, Greg Paulus plays for Syracuse now because somehow 'Cuse beat up the Irish last fall. Don't question my logic, you know it's too coincidental to be a coincidence.

Bottom Line: Paulus impressed me. He had that stupid over confident look on his face and played well almost all game. I'll forgive him for that INT targeted for the 1 Orange player surrounded by 5 Gophers for the simple reason that I've played Madden and NCAA Football enough times to know that the risk is worth it. It was a tough loss, but the fans were fucking stoked and you could hear it the entire game. The defense had this rejuvenated charge where they carried themselves around like they fucking owned the place. They didn't looked scared, content or like they were about to shit their pants. It was the 'Cuse I picture Keith Bulluck going to. They may not win a ton of games this year, but they're certainly going to be a lot more fun to watch. And when have you heard this much chatter about 'Cuse football on ESPN Radio, .Com and TV? It's good to see.

2.) Speaking of Bulluck the Titans and Steelers has a little song and dance on Thursday to kick off the NFL season. How was it? Fucking awesome. If you missed the first half, it was just a bunch of 275 lbers crackin' skulls and nailin' the bajesus out of each other. Troy Polamalu was playing just out of his freaking mind for ever play he was in there. It just sucks that he had to be a member of the Bob Sanders club and be injured every other game. Those two are so fucking sha-nasty. I'm sick of them being injured. Can we let the guys who already kick ass pop some 'roids and.or HGH to get back quicker? I'd be happy about that. Some Papi HGH eye drops at the very least. Moving on, it was a good game where the Titans still pound on D and the Steelers are showing how lame their O-Line still is. Oh, and that guy, LaMarr Woodley, went to Michigan. NBD.

3.) I'm sick of the Colorado Buffalo. Dan Hawkins sucks, and his son sucks even more (64 pass attempts vs. Toledo!!!). Why is the Big 12 North STILL a huge joke? Honestly, it's annoying. Sure, Nebraska's always going to have that 20-25 ranking, but they'll always get bitch smacked by a higher tier team. Outside of them? The division is about as consistent as herpes. One day you think you're outbreak free (OMG-Mizzou lost in the Big 12 Championship, Kansas is winning a BCS Bowl and Nebraska beat Michigan in a bowl game!) and the next you're breaking out like a teenager seeing his first Molly Ringwald movie (see: the 2009 season).

4.) Look, the Cowboys have some wide receiver and cornerback issues, but they're going to be fine. They had the most sacks in the league last year, Ware and James back, Newman is the fucking man but they will miss the shit out of Chris Canty. Domination should ensue Sunday vs. the Buccaneers. I eagerly await the match up.

5.) Aaron Rodgers, Michael 'The Burner' Turner, Clinton Portis, Steve Smith (Carolina), Wes Welker, Santonio Holmes, Jonathan Stewart, Greg Olsen, Leon Washington, Fred Jackson, Kevin Walter, Josh Morgan, David Garrard, Ryan Longwell, The Eagles D and the Pats D. What do these NFL players/groups have in common? They're about to win a 2nd straight fantasy title for The Ho. C. Seriously, no one stands a chance.

I'm just happy the league is back on.

54: Full Tilt, Full Time

A sad, but proud day in New England. Tedy Bruschi, the American Hero, is calling it a career after 13 years with the New England Patriots. I was not surprised when I heard the announcement yesterday because even by Tedy's own admission, he felt old. He was old, but he was also one of the faces of the Patriots' Dynasty. No one put in more effort on and off the field than Tedy Bruschi. Tedy wasn't a superstar, but a star and a playmaker. In his book, he said that when it is time, he will go out on his own terms. He gets to do just that. He will be missed.

(Hey Brandon Marshall, you ass-hat. This is how a real football player acts. He doesn't act like an eight year old girl, who's mom won't buy them the latest Hannah Montana DVD. Go beat up another girlfriend, because you sir, are a PUSSY.)

Thank You, Ozzie

Ozzie, Ozzie, Ozzie. After a fortunate bounce off home plate and a line drive off Mike Lowell's glove, you had the lead. Later on, the Red Sox blacked out for two ABs and giftwrapped 1st and 3rd with no outs. Dye pops up, Ass Jockey Pierzynski has the worst at bat in the history of modern civilization, and strikes out, then Alex Rios comes up. Francona takes Okajima out because Rios is a righty and brings in Delcarmen (righty). Instead of pinch hitting with FUTURE HALL OF FAMER JIM THOME, he elects to stay with Rios. This would be fine if Rios was tearing the cover off the ball. He is barely above .200 right now with his new team and was just thrown overboard because he is $60 million of dead weight. To say he is "pressing" right now would be a bigger understatement than saying Jeffrey Dahmer was disturbed. Delcarmen puts a slider on a tee and Rios....POPS UP! Thank you, Ozzie. Bay hits a dong and the rest is history. Hopefully Wake wins tonight.

I'm Lost

Snipes, Swayze, and Leguizamo in drag and the 2009 Red Sox, equally as confusing (Ok maybe not Leguizamo). If Jose Contreras had a semblance of a brain, he would have let Konerko field that ball and the Sox probably lose that game. Who knows? Just another very weird game in a even weirder season. And now the Sox just picked up Billy Wagner. It the words of TOMP, "I hope that noodle arm comes with some marinara sauce." Last time the Sox picked up a washed up closer (See: Gagne, Eric), they won it all. If that happens, I guess it's, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar.

Man Your Battlestations!

(Quietly my favorite Sox-Yankees moment of the last few years. Mike Lowell leveling Cano in the middle of the base paths breaking up a double play. What this doesn't show is that he ran over the catcher an inning later. Doesn't get any better than Mikey Lowell)

It has been awhile since I have written about the Red Sox. Half of it is because I am lazy and I have really let TDF down lately. But the other half is because I really do not know what to say about them. I watch every game and it seems like they are always doing one thing extremely well and one thing extremely bad. For example, Tuesday's game against the Blue Jays. They are hitting the cover off the ball, but Beckett and the bullpen would have faired better if they just put the ball on a tee. It was atrocious. This season is more perplexing than Caster Semenya. All that aside though, the last two games, they seem to have pulled it together. Everything has been clicking and just in time for a huge series with the Yankees.

I am not going to sit here and do the position comparisons because the Yankees trump the Sox in just about every category, except the bullpen and that is virtually a tie. Instead I will provide a preview for each game.

Game 1: Brad "I Don't Have An Out Pitch" Penny, goes up against Andy "Nobody Cares That I Cheated Cause Roger Clemens Is Such An Arrogant Fucking Moron" Pettitte. This pitching matchup undoubtedly favors the Evil Empire. The kids from Peabody have curveballs that would baffle the Yankees hitters more than that thing Penny lofts up there. It is amazing Fat Brad gets away with what he does, which isn't much because I don't think he has given up a soft hit all year. If Penny can chug through five or six innings without the Yankees reenacting their version of Hitler's Blitzkrieg, the Sox will have a fighting chance because their lefties, career-wise, have CRUSHed Andy Pettitte. Ortiz, .370, JD Drew, .375, and Ellsbury .417. Just for good measure, righties, Bay, .444, Youk .360, Lowell, .333. I am not going to break down the Yankees numbers against Penny because they have not had enough ABs and if they did it would be on par with fielding %. I'm talking REAL UGLY.

Game 2: Junichi Tazawa vs A.J. Burnett. Burnett sucks in Fenway Park, but he is going up against Tazawa who looks like he could be pitching for the Japan Little League and no one would bat an eye. The only good news for the Sox, there is no Mano-a-Mano factor with Burnett like there was last week when Josh Beckett was on the bump. No way Burnett goes into this start thinking "Oh man, gotta out-pitch Junichi Tazawa, that guy doesn't give an inch, neither can I!!" I do not know what to make of this game because there are a lot of factors. Thanks to Hurricane Billy Boy, there are gonna be rain delays, and also, the game is the Fox Game of the Week which means it will be 7 hours and last into the night. The Aflac "I Want To Rip My Ear Ears Off" Moment of the game will come when Tim McCarver tries to break down Junichi Tazawa's motion/pitches. "Junichi Tazawa has an un-orthodox delivery and throws a curveball. What is an un-orthodox delivery and a curveball? It's when he winds up very unusually and then throws a pitch called a "curveball", down and away from right handed hitters!"...At that time, you will hear Joe Buck yell out "BARTENDER!!" and I will be snuggling up next to a grenade and pulling the pin. That is about as much a preview as I have because this game is fucked.

Game 3: Last Tuesday aside, you have two of the best pitchers in baseball going Sunday night. Josh Beckett vs C.C. Sabathia. This has all the makings of a classic showdown and a mistake by wither pitcher could end up costing them the game. Except for the "soothing sounds" of Joe Morgan, this game should be extremely enjoyable to watch. CC has not pitched well in Fenway Park in years past, including multiple colossal choke jobs in the playoffs. But this is a different year and he is with a MUCH better team. Beckett has dominated the Yankees this year and no doubt will be back in sync after Tuesday's debacle. Especially because I think that Francona rolls out Tek to catch him for this game (IF healthy). The key to a Sox win will be to take advantage in the first two innings. Establish a lead early, because once CC settles in, forget it, he is going 8 and handing the ball to Mo. I like my chances if it's 3-0 Sox in the third inning with Beckett on the mound for a big game.

I don't like to make predictions, but I think the Sox take two of three here. The main problem in the last series (aside from the Penny game), was that their bats were colder than Hillary's whispering eye. Now they are Alba Hot. In these games a lot of it comes down to the last couple of at bats and being at home with the crowd at their back, I like the Sox to win the series. God I hope I am right.

(Side Note: If you haven't been watching Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Bengals, you are missing out. The un-intentional comedy is off the charts. From OchoCinco coining new catch phrases, to an inside look at Tank Johnson's home, to police officers coming in and telling them what they can and can't do off the field, it's just priceless. I kept waiting for the camera's to uncover an AK-47 and a pound of weed from Tank's humble abode. This is all going on while serious music plays quietly in the background and its being narrated by that guy with the monotone voice. The first practice Marvin Lewis has them playing Tug of War. Like REAL Tug of War. You watch this and realize why the Bengals are The Bengals.)

Seriously, You Can't Make This Shit Up

Another Loss for the Raiders?

I mean really, another guy I've NEVER heard of? and I thought the Giants had problems...

(Insert Gun in Mouth)

Apparently, according to a TDF source, Brett Favre is about to sign with the Vikings. I think I was more surprised when Adam Lambert came out of the closet and that guy basically smoked pole on stage for 3 months. I guess "Brokeback Mountain" themed camping trips in tight Wrangler jeans, were getting old for Brett Favre. Brett Favre just continues to tarnish his legacy and this will officially alienate the only people who ever liked him anyway, Packers Fans. This would be like Tom Brady going to the Jets.

He will fail this year and when he does, it will just add to his downfall. Our source also told me that ESPN's Ed Werner and Chris Mortenson were seen making out and jerking each other off as Brett boarded a plane in Mississippi. I bet Peter King will do a whole special edition of the Monday Morning Snooze Fest entitled "Brett Favre is back, I just creamed in my Latte." He will talk of how he sexted Brett Favre a picture of himself in a purple Vikings thong holding a big metal axe.

My point is that the national media coverage will be nauseating as usual and maybe Brett will even shed another tear. I don't even know why I am wasting my god damn breath on this, so I'm done. I hope the Vikings don't win a game. Oh and Greg Paulus is Cuse's new QB and the Sox are in pergatory. I cannot wait for September 14th.

Michael Bay Movies. Worse Than This Summer's Offseason?

What Next? FML.

Seriously?

Just Another Day In The Life Of Eli Manning

Yeah, what's the deal?

Oh, Boy-The Preseason

I don't know what's more offensive. The Cowboys not scoring a single touchdown following Mr. Romo's departure from the field, or the fact that I have no idea who a single player is that scored a TD for the Raiders.

Vick To The Eagles

Fuck. This does not bode well.

Somebody's Closer

Guess who's on the hunt? Damn right, Tiger Woods, bitches. He decided to save everyone the drama and took the lead after day 1. Don't be surprised to see him at 11 under by the end of tomorrow.

The New York Giants: Officially Ready to Suck for the Next Six Years

Well, the New York Giants look ready to concede the NFC (B)East over to the highest bidder from the 'Boys, Birds or 'Skins. They officially signed Eli Manning (Jamoke Face, USA) to a 6 year, $97 million deal, making him, oh, one of the highest paid players in the entire league.

I just did a quick run down of the numbers. Passing TD Titles? Zero. Passing TD Titles? Zero. Records Broken? Zero. Pro Bowls? One, the same amount as Derek Anderson. Super Bowls? Ok, one, but that's only because there wasn't a single holding call, and the luckiest catch ever was completed (Thanks again Rodney Harrison, if there was a good time to cheap shot a guy, I'm pretty sure that was it).

Sure, Eli has had some decent numbers, but lets not overlook the fact that it was done with the presence of the Giants' all time leading receiver in Amani Toomer (who just signed with the NFL Senior Tour Corps on the Chiefs, along with Bobby Engram & Mike Vrabel) and one of the taller, more talented guys in the league Plaxico Burress, who shot himself in the foot. On a side note, is it not bewildering how all MSU WRs eventually fuck themselves over one way or the other with their tenure in the NFL? Really, outside of Muhsin Muhammad, I don't think there has been one that didn't fuck themselves royally.

So, lets see who the Giants have playing some WR this season, I just crunched the numbers for career totals with this bunch of unprovens and shitheads. All receivers combined have caught a whopping 155 passes and accumulated a horrifying 1,717 total yards. Remember, these are CAREER numbers for Ten players (three are rookies, but I could care less)

But what about the Tight Ends? Guess what, it does not get any prettier. 110 receptions and 1,256 yards. Career numbers, for everyone on the team.

Yup, this is finally the year where everyone remembers that Eli's a little bitch with Archie Manning for an agent. I'm predicting an IR move around week 12 to save a little face, and watch David Carr, the human sack machine, re-emerge as a potential starter for 2010.

Love it. See you with a Top 10 draft pick in '10 NY.

"If we're going to be meeting sophisticated people, we need to start acting with class, we cannot be telling people that we have bleached assholes!"

If The 2009 Celtics Want America To Puke In Their Mouths, It's Working

Source: "Victor Martinez to the Sox"

Sources at The Dome Factor have just learned that the Red Sox have a deal in place for Victor Martinez. The deal does NOT include Clay Buchholz OR Daniel Bard, rather the key piece in the deal is Justin Masterson. If this is true, nice job Theo! Apparently this deal is closer to happening, than Amy Winehouse is to dying, so stay tuned.

Red Sox Make Offer for Halladay!

According to Yahoo! Sports Gordon Edes, the Red Sox have offered Clay Buchholz, Michael Bowden, and The Pride of Portsmouth, RI, 19 year old Ryan Westmoreland for Roy Halladay. Pull that mother fucking trigger! This is a no brainer. Buchholz looks and acts like a scared little boy who just got out of Neverland Ranch anyhow. Please let this happen. (Throw in Jed Lowrie and have the Jays toss in Marco Scutaro too, Come on Theo!)

No No NOO!

Ok guys, where is Ashton? Is this punk'd? I mean this is not what the Red Sox need. Adam LaRoche is an average player AT BEST, on a shitty NL team. He is a homeless man's J.D. Drew. Ya. There has to be another move. If there is not, I am convinced that Theo loves hoarding white guys, who love hunting and goofy facial hair. I think thats cool and all and I myself would love to kill a ten point buck one day, but it's about winning championships.

Second half outlook tomorrow, stay tuned.

Vacation Time!

The Dome Factor Staff has been on vacation and is now getting back on track. We apologize to TDF Nation, posts will resume shortly, I am still cleaning the sand out of my ears. Patience is a virtue.

Wake Gets the All Star Nod!

Welcome to the 2009 National Spelling Bee! Kavya Shivashankar, can you spell, professional, unselfish, and class-act?? If you don't get this right, you will be locked back in your ABC shaped cage in the murky basement with the latest edition of Webster's for the next 6 months. Now, here it is in a sentence...If there was ever an example of a professional, unselfish, class-act baseball player or person, Tim Wakefield would be it.

Ok, that intro was a little bit overdone, but I couldn't be happier for Tim Wakefield right now. The man is 42 years old, will probably be the Red Sox all time wins leader when it's all said and done, and now he gets his first All-Star nod. This was a slightly controversial pick because despite his league leading 10 wins, his numbers are not typical "all-star quality" (This also just adds to Joe Maddon's resume as another class-act). Congrats to Wake and I think they should be able to fly George Kottaras out to the game too, because George has filled in seamlessly in his rookie season catching for Wake.

"Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine."

Sheed To The Cs

You'll be seeing a lot more of this. Congratulations on getting the missing piece for the 2010 title.

Joey Chestnut: American Hero

Dear Japan,

Look familiar?

With Love,

-The U.S.A.

Air McNair? Say It Aint So -TOMP

Note, this was the closet picture I could find of McNair doing his trademark TD celebration

Like most, I was shocked to hear about the shooting of Steve McNair. What struck me the most was how great a player he was and I never seemed to realize it. McNair was the guy who did all the cliche tough guy actions, that make or break an NFL player, particularly a quarterback. Whether you needed a guy with six injuries to captain the offense, someone to lead that comeback with two minutes to go or pull a draw play on 4 & 3; McNair was your guy.

Here's to a rough couple of weeks for celebrity death.

The 2010 Celtics' Roster Is Coming Together Nicely

You know when you have a half Japanese baller on your summer league team; good things are bound to happen.

What A Great Trio

You know good things are happening at the Congressional Pro-Am

It's the NBA. They're Free Agents. Where They At? -TOMP

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeed. You will be missed. By this guy. Greatly.

So, it's that time of year. The summer is on, there are no sports worth watching and the NBA draft is over. Time to find out where the real talent lies. If there's one thing that the NBA knows, it's that Free Agents make or break a team like David Lee Roth vs. Sammy Hagar.

The plan here is to sort out the real ballers in free agency this year. Not just what they bring to the table, but where they want to end up, versus where they will actually end up. Many will tell you this is nearly impossible to predict. I'm here to tell you, I know it all. Lets get this list started....

Number 1:

Carlos Boozer & Mehmet Okur

What they bring to the table? Absolutely nothing. Both pussied out of entering free agency. You know what we call that? A Shaun Livingston. I'm talking career ending injuries this season.

Where they should end up? Okur would have been a brilliant fit with the Charlotte Bobcats. Under reaching, tons of potential and that bitch ass, 'I should have gotten that call' face.

Boozer, gee. "If the Pistons don't sign me, I'm screwed." Yeah, you douchebag. Enjoy fucking over the Jazz like you did Cleveland. You can't make money if you don't try asshole.

Where they will end up: Nowhere. They're in Utah, opting out of effort. Enjoy the tight women and weak beer. It's like prohibition. Only for eternity.

Number 2:

Hedo Turkoglu

What he brings to the table? Well, he does bring you versatility to 3 starting positions. Despite BG beliefs, the guy can actually play the 1 or 4 to a decent degree of effectiveness. 3 point shooting, consistency and validation of the ugliness of the Turkish race is what he's loaded with.

Where he should end up? Orlando really is a good spot for this guy. They have one real ball handler and an assload of three point shooters who can barely rebound. They've got the pieces together now, and Hedo has been part of the Magic (pun intended). It would seem that they'd be an offensive powerhouse if he stuck around. Although, he could opt for more money, go to Sacramento, and be working as a blackjack dealer for the Maloofs in under 5 years. Promise, baby, promise.

Where he will end up: Portland. Guess what, Hedu. No one wants to pay some dude $10 million who can't really play a single position. SUCKA!

Number 3:

Ben Gordon

What he brings to the table? Streaky shooting, a crappy attitude and a bench player

Where should he end up? Please, Gordon has got Knicks/Run & Gun written all over him.

Where he will end up: What better way to compliment 4 guards that you already have then to bring another cocky prick to the table. Congratulations Joe Dumars & the Detroit Pistons. Allen Iverson 2.0, only he tries less, produces more and plays just as good of defense. I can't fucking wait.

Number 4:

Trevor Ariza & Lamar Odom

What they bring to the table? These two have a lot of similarities, such as three point shooting, athleticism, match up difficulties, smart defensive play and a real feel for the game. The problem? One tries, and the other tries when he eats candy.

Where should they end up? Both should end up back in LA, to assure the championship team still has it's fire for the 09-10 season.

Where they will end up: Well, Ariza guaranteed himself big money, and you gotta think the Lakers are gonna want someone who got better throughout the year to compliment the dominant Gasol/Bynum inside game, and Trevor looks like their man. Then there's Lamar. Hey, at least URI got on the map for a little while, right? Enjoy some terrible team with a lot of free money. You tried as hard every night as Tim Donaghy.

Number 5:

Anderson Varejao

What he brings.... Oh, wait. We don't discuss a no talent ass clowns that cost LeBron his 2nd title in 3 seasons? My bad, the D-League awaits. Or the Ringling Brothers. Go fuck yourself.

Number 6:

Rasheed (don't you fucking look me over) Wallce

What he bring to the table? How about everything? Shooting, defense, rebounding, three pointers, an absurd low block game, free throws and oh, the most loved personality (amongst teammates) in the league.

Where should he end up? San Antonio has 'Sheed written all over it. Veteran leadership, a solid team and an amazing coach. You know what 'Sheed loves? Kicking ass, taking names and winning. The only place where he can be a dynamically effective starter and have a legit shot at a championship is the Spurs.

Where he will end up: It's destined that 'Sheed will join the Celtics. He knows I'm his biggest fan, he opted to come to Detroit and win the 'Stons a fucking sweet championship (God, that was sweet), and he without a doubt is ready to finish his years in front of my eyes. With KG and The Truth, I just can't see a reason why this wouldn't be the great show on Earth. Signing a one year deal is the route to take, so he can play with little Rajon and facilitate the rest of the team with his awareness. Oh, and you know who 'Sheed loves? KG. Lets fucking make it happen.

Ok, Here Are Some Other Douchebags to Keep Your Eye On:

Ron Artest (seriously, this guy has skills. Huge fan.), Channing Frye, Antonio McDyess, Chris Anderson, Marquis Daniels (another diamond in the rough), Grant Hill (37 years old and top 20 in PER for SFs. No reason not to sign him), Ronald 'Flip' Murray (great role player, not sure why you wouldn't sign him), Joe Smith, Brandon Bass, Bobby Jackson, Rodney Cardney, Jason Collins, Rasho Nesterovic and Juwan Howard.

If You Thought That Was Bad...

Charlie Villanueva, Drew Gooden, Sean May, Robert Swift, Dahntay Jones, Sheldon Williams (Candace will make more), Desmond Mason, Wally Szczerbiak, Gerald Green and Miki Moore.

TDF Caption Contest- BG

"This takes hide the sausage to a whole new level"

"I'd like to dine with that swine, then hit her from behind"

ESPN is Delusional - BG

This is a joke. Whoever voted "No" on this poll is a fucking moron and ESPN poll makers are morons for even giving people a choice. Even Yankee fans are pissed that Dice-K is going on the DL. It's frightening to know that Crack is the number one import of Idaho and Delaware.

ESPN: Continues To Creep Out Many -TOMP

Seriously. What is the deal here?

No Tiger? No Problem. The US Open Live. -TOMP

Alright, it's 2:10, Tiger's +3, it's not looking good for him. Lucky for us, Phil's on a mission to save Amy's Ta-Tas, so we've got that working for us. I'm accompanied by Grandpa Hagan and Michael 'Mustang' Roche. Let's do this.

2:13-Phil for par, he's really got his eyes on the prize today, but I expect nothing but a Winged Foot implosion. Amy's nervous.

2:16-Chris decides to get up. There's a Coastal Flood Advisory in Farmingdale, NY. I'm gonna go ahead and say that can't bode well for anyone today.

2:18-Our first Crack joke of the day. It's only a matter of time before "Spread your cheeks, and lift your sack" becomes the saying of the tourney. We're at commercial, by the way.

3:16-Phil's trying to redeem himself off the shitty drive. Killer backspin approach shot. He's dancin' close to the hole.

2:20-We've just been informed that Ortiz has hit his 6th home run of the year. The HGH eye drops strike again.

2:21-Barnes (our current leader) for birdie. He shorts that one like a girl trying out for QB on a football team.

2:22-Tiger for birdie. He blows it, still at +3. We've just been informed that something "just isn't clicking." No shit. He's 13 back, "He's got this." -Gpa Hagan

2:23-Tiger hits the Par 3 with a 6 iron. Tiger's dancing like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. 7 feet, max.

2:25-Ricky Barnes is having his, "coming out party." Thanks NBC, I'll call LGBT.

2:31-Tiger's up for birdie again. Lets see him sink that shit. BOO YA!!!!! Tiger at +2. Damn right, that's what he's used to.

2:31-Ricky Barnes is playing quite a round of golf. Just nailed a ball a bit off the green, but he's kept his cool. It's impressive.

2:33-Hunter Mahan just sank back to back birdies, and is till over 5 back. Barnes has got a stranglehold on the field.

2:34-If you're bored, heckle.

2:37-"That's what you call straight." -NBC. There sure is a lot of sexuality related comments in today's broadcast.

2:40-Barnes is feelin' the heat now, complete choke job driving on 10.

2:42-Barnes save a stroke, they found his ball in the swamp.

2:48-Tiger's up for eagle. NBD. Excellence is the only thing going through his mind. AHHHHH, misses it by inches, the birdie will be a cake walk, we'll assume Tiger's at +1.

2:49-Barnes is the singing in the rain trying to figure out how to get his shank out of the jungle. Takes his sweet ass time. Christ, nails right onto the green. Should be able to get away with losing no more than 1 stroke. This guy will choke, I can feel it.

2:57-Lucas Glover decides to hit the only birdie of the day on 10. He's 4 back of Barnes. Too bad this is only the third round.

3:00-Barnes: Back in the Bush-The Anne Heche Story.

3:02-Phil with back to back birdies, 8 back of the lead. Mickelson's on the hunt.

3:03-A sneaky comeback from the Goose. He's at -1, tied with Phil.

3:06-Phil went for it. It didn't go well.

3:11-Glover sinks a pretty birdie. He's got a deadset look in his eye. I like his chances, "a born winner."

3:12-David Duval continues to fall off the golf map...

3:13-Tiger's got another long putt. He needs this.

3:14-Tiger continues to miss the long ones.

3:27-Barnes has his first 3 putt of the Open. This baby is getting closer & closer.

3:35-Duval with some signs of life. Pitch right near the hole.

3:36-WOW! Phil hits a long one on the green. Amy's ta-tas have jumped for joy.

3:43-Dice-K to the DL. There's a lot of happy Sox fans right now.

3:43-The crowd can't stop cheering for the ta-tas husband.

3:47-Phil blows a big birdie. Harsh.

3:51-Tiger misses another putt to get back in this. Total snooze fest happening for round 3 at Bethpage.

4:01-Phil nails another birdie to close out the 3rd. Clearly, he is the hot commodity going into tomorrow.


This seems like the day is pretty much wrapped. We'll get an update up when the the 4th day is in the record books.

Tail Between His Legs- BG

Well Tiger was cruising along at even par, but fell apart in the last four holes like Jean Van de Velde in '99 at Carnoustie. He finished with a four over, 74. Luckily for Tiger this was just the first round and if he can shoot a 66 tomorrow morning and get it to even, he should be ok. I cannot have a repeat of Winged Foot in '06, Tiger. Get it together, make the cut, and take it home. Stay tuned because TOMP will be conducting the first ever TDF Golf Diary on Sunday.

"Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine."

Just Another Night at Friendly Fenway! - BG

In case your locked in a basement, Josef Fritzl style, last night was the 500 consecutive sellout at Fenway Park. That is a little over 6 seasons if you break it down. Brad Penny got his 100th win, Papi continues to excel with his HGH eye drops, and Jacoby Ellsbury made up for a first inning brain fart and crushed a homer into the right field seats. The best part of the night was when Bobby Orr emerged from the Green Monster to greet fellow Canadian Jason Bay. Bay is a huge hockey fan and a surprise from one of the greats, capped off a great win. Just another night in Boston.

"Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine."

Nostalgia -TOMP

I could have sworn I knew someone who had this shirt when Dice-K got signed...

Wake Me Up When It's Over- BG

I cannot do it anymore. When I switch over to the Red Sox games at 7 pm and see the D-Bag above is pitching, I change the channel faster than a 14 year old who is watching porn when his mom walks in. I cannot find the button fast enough. Daisuke Matsusaka has taken over the "Human Rain Delay" title from Steve Trachsel. I think I'd rather watch Julio Lugo take infield practice for 3 hours. Last season was the strangest 18-3 season I have ever seen. Did anyone feel confident in any of his big game starts or playoff starts? NO. If you say yes, your lying. This season he is 1-4, 31 IP, 51 FUCKING HITS, with a 7.55 ERA. He also averages 100 pitches every 4 2/3 innings. Opponents are batting .372 against him, with an OBP of .431. We cannot trade him because he is worth an asinine $104 million and gets pampered with more perks than Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian combined.

The Red Sox brass HAS to do something. They have John Smoltz foaming at the mouth to come up and pitch. The Sox have Brad Penny, who gets better and better with every start. He is now consistently up at 96-97 mph and locating really well. Then the Sox have Clay Bucholz who is bending the minor leagues over and would gladly kill Dice-K for another shot in the majors (It's a win-win for me) Realistically, if Clay had just gotten his act together last year, this would not be an issue. However, he shat down his leg in 15 starts last year and earned the "He's not ready yet" title. He's also a bit of a pre-madonna who complains about being in the minors and sort of looks like a transvestite with the hair he is rockin'. Right now Clay is on the proverbial back burner.

The Sox cannot go to a six man rotation. That would throw Beckett and Lester off and they just got back on track (except for Beckett's hiccup the other day, but he really didn't throw that badly). They need to sit Godzilla down and say,

"Look, you had to go play for your Japanese National Team in the WBC, a.k.a Worthless Baseball Crock. We understand that because if you didn't, they would probably lop off your right arm and banish you. Eventhough most fans in Boston love how that sounds right now, John Henry just stupidly got married and now he only has half of his money. We cannot just pay you and say sayonara, no more pitchy pitchy for dicey dicey. Now, you are back in a real country, America. You play for a real team, the Boston Red Sox. You are going to do this our way and we do not think your ready. You can do one of two things. You can go to Florida and go through an extended spring training. We will make up an injury, put you on the DL, and you just have to go down there and throw to a bunch of hacks. Get your arm ready, slay some floridian women, and we will see you in a month. OR you can be buried to mop up duty in the bullpen and spend your time being heckled with racial slurs by Papelbon and deal with him constantly making fun of you because "The Throw In" Okajima has turned out much better than you have. And he makes $7 million less a year than you do. What do you think?"

His response will look something like this, "私がひどいことを知っていて、私をマイナーリーグに注文してください" And it's over with.

Bring up Smoltz. If he fails, bring up Bucholz. If they fail, bring up Michael Bowden. If all else fails, go get Benihana, stick him in the starting rotation, and try again. Please just stop the misery NOWWW!

"Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine."

No Respect -TOMP

You know who constantly gets shat on for seemingly no reason other than success? Stan Van Gundy. That's right, the guy who looks like Ron Jeremy and dresses like he should be in Miami Vice (speaking of which, I can't believe I found an image of him in a shirt & tie. Crazy, right?).

Currently on Disney.co... I mean, ESPN.com, there is a Sports Nation poll questioning whether SVG is actually an asset in coaching his team. I'm happy to say, that 80% of America thinks he is, but why is this such a frequent question?

I've watched SVG take the reigns on two different teams, and with each one, he's brought them from zero to super hero. Literally. How often do you coach two different teams highlighted by the fact that their budding super stars are dubbed as super humans (Flash & Superman)? Not a whole lot. Both teams were very different from one another when SVG decided to impose his will, lets travel back in time...

The Heat. Pre-Shaq. Remember those guys? Super underrated team in the last decade that could have made a real splash if they gave it one more year. Rafer Alston, Dwyane Wade, Caron Butler, Lamar 'The Candy Man' Odom and Brian Grant. You know what that sounds like to me? A winning combination. Also, keep in mind that this was while Alonzo Mourning was getting a kidney transfer from his own cousin, these guys had all the pieces. Maybe Alston was a little too And 1-ish at this time, but you had three guys capable of playing 3-4 different spots on the court with Wade, Butler and Odom. Plus, a decent center who could get you boards in Grant.

So, SVG brings these guys to the playoffs, which was impressive in its' own right (despite being in the Eastern Conference), and surprised the crap out of the Hornets, who had the LA Clippers version of Baron Davis. Big time play, aspiring players and a lot of potential. So, you'd think that they'd have a shot of doing even more the next year, right?

Wrong, Motha' Fucka'. Just ask Pat Riley.

Pat decides that these guys all blows ass, and options to trade, oh, like, 7 players to LA to acquire Shaq. Now imagine being SVG. You've just impressed the entire league by coming onto the scene, but instead of working to add 1 or 2 more pieces to a competent team, your boss decides to fire them all and bring in the Closer, and I'm not talking about Kevin Bacon's wife.

So, here's what your left with. Shaq & Wade. Ok, they're amazing, no argument there, but look at everyone else. This easily could have been the Cavs for the last 5 years with guys like Haslem, James Posey, a 40 year old Gary Payton, a defensively inept Jason Williams and 1 good kidney Alonzo Mourning.

SVG's like, alright, "Time to take care of business." Busts through the regular season without breaking a sweat, and gets all the way to the Eastern Conference Finals. Now, mind you, he's made an improvement on last year's team with a much better Wade and an overweight Diesel, that looks ready to tip over. They lose to the 'Stons, who go on to lose in 7 to the Spurs in the Finals. Wow, that sounds like some serious top talent that the Heat went up against.

Wrong, again. Pat's got something else to say.

The bastard just fires Van Gundy, coaches the team, and they win the luckiest title in the history of time, being like one of 3 teams to come back from an 0-2 deficit with a little help from Tim Donaghy.

So, did Pat Riley really do anything so surprising? The literal difference here is he won one more game than SVG, beating the 'Stons in 6. Shocker? Not really, Wade played out of his mind.

Now, SVG is out on the street, and the Magic are thinking about hiring Billy Donovan, but he chicken shits his pants and scrams, leaving the Magic to "settle" with SVG. What happens? Well, the team starts to improve, with the #1 pick in Dwight Howard, and they make it to the playoffs, only to get beat out by the 'Stons.

What does management do? Do they trade the entire team for Kobe Bryant? Nope, they decided to add a few key pieces with guys like Turkgolu and Pietrus, and do even better. Make it to the second round, only to lose the 'Stons again. Well, shit. SVG must blow, right? His team improves again, time to can the guy. Oh, wait, the Magic have some sense, make an absurd deal for the free agent, Rashard Lewis (which doesn't seem so nutty right now, does it?) and look what the team does. They get the 3 seed in the playoffs, and improve once again making it to the Eastern Conference Finals to meet up with the Cavs.

Here's where the story takes another turn, as Shaq (I'm fat and suck) O'Neal decides to call out SVG for crumbling into a pile during crunch time. Well, I saw SVG bitch slap the fuck out of the LeBrons, do the unthinkable and make the NBA Finals.

But still. It's not enough. Is SVG really the man for the job? Why do they shoot so many threes? Is Rashard Lewis' goatee real? Does SVG really have a 14 inch dong? It's gotten to the point where its borderline unreasonable to question the dude. Face the fact that Howard is nowhere near the superstar that Wade became (the year after SVG got canned) as a top 5 baller, and he's surrounded by 3-4 three point shooters at a time. That's how the team works. I know it's odd, and sounds like the plan for a Villanova like NCAA squad (who made the elite 8, which I was there to see. WITNESS), but shit, this isn't how things worked in Miami. Remember the Heat?The only guy who could shoot a consistent three ball on that team was James Posey.

You don't have to think that SVG is a great coach, but just look what he's done over his last 5 years of head coaching experience. Is that not EXACTLY what you want out of a new coach? He may get batty on the sideline, but this Magic team could easily be up 2-1 right now, and the series still has two straight games left. I know it's a long shot, and that there have only been two teams to win all three of those Finals home games in a row... Shit, who were they...???

Oh, that's right, the '04 'Stons and the '06 Heat.

Shit comes full circle like that, don't you love it?

"You're Fucking Out. I'm Fucking In."

The PGA & WTA Just Had Simultaneous Orgasms -TOMP

In case you missed it, Tiger Woods & Roger Federer decided to turn on their games and dominate their sports. Since tennis for Europeans, we'll go on to golf.  Tiger decided a final day comeback would be the best approach coming into next week's U.S. Open, and freaked the fuck out of Jimmy Furyk, Davis Love III and Jonny Byrd.  7 under with a 65. Wow. Put your O-Face's on, because that was sensational.  You know who hit every big putt/shot they needed to? Tiger.  You know who all blew lead opportunities after the 14th hole?  Jimmy, Davis & Jonny.  They got fucking tiger slapped.

An additional shout-out to Davis Love for shitting his pants on national television.  An 8 on 16?  Really?  Are you kidding me?  I could get an 8.

Good to see Tiger with his mo-jo going into next week's major at Bethpage.  Lets hope its just as competitive as the Memorial.

Last Women Standing!- BG

Here at The Dome Factor one of the things we pride ourselves on, is our ability to reach out and lend a hand to those in need. That said, one of our loyal followers approached us and asked if we would help get his girlfriend Lisa, on the right, elected into the coveted last remaining spot for the Washington Wizards dance team. In return, if she was elected, all we asked for were C's and Pistons tickets when they play the Wiz at the Verizon Center. If things go really well there is a possibility of a night on the town with the whole dance team and Deshawn Stevenson, but negotiations are still in progress. So CLICK HERE and VOTE FOR LISA!

"And Vanessa Hudgens, who stared in a brave documentary about an all gay high school!" - Andy Samberg