Wake Me Up When It's Over- BG

I cannot do it anymore. When I switch over to the Red Sox games at 7 pm and see the D-Bag above is pitching, I change the channel faster than a 14 year old who is watching porn when his mom walks in. I cannot find the button fast enough. Daisuke Matsusaka has taken over the "Human Rain Delay" title from Steve Trachsel. I think I'd rather watch Julio Lugo take infield practice for 3 hours. Last season was the strangest 18-3 season I have ever seen. Did anyone feel confident in any of his big game starts or playoff starts? NO. If you say yes, your lying. This season he is 1-4, 31 IP, 51 FUCKING HITS, with a 7.55 ERA. He also averages 100 pitches every 4 2/3 innings. Opponents are batting .372 against him, with an OBP of .431. We cannot trade him because he is worth an asinine $104 million and gets pampered with more perks than Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian combined.

The Red Sox brass HAS to do something. They have John Smoltz foaming at the mouth to come up and pitch. The Sox have Brad Penny, who gets better and better with every start. He is now consistently up at 96-97 mph and locating really well. Then the Sox have Clay Bucholz who is bending the minor leagues over and would gladly kill Dice-K for another shot in the majors (It's a win-win for me) Realistically, if Clay had just gotten his act together last year, this would not be an issue. However, he shat down his leg in 15 starts last year and earned the "He's not ready yet" title. He's also a bit of a pre-madonna who complains about being in the minors and sort of looks like a transvestite with the hair he is rockin'. Right now Clay is on the proverbial back burner.

The Sox cannot go to a six man rotation. That would throw Beckett and Lester off and they just got back on track (except for Beckett's hiccup the other day, but he really didn't throw that badly). They need to sit Godzilla down and say,

"Look, you had to go play for your Japanese National Team in the WBC, a.k.a Worthless Baseball Crock. We understand that because if you didn't, they would probably lop off your right arm and banish you. Eventhough most fans in Boston love how that sounds right now, John Henry just stupidly got married and now he only has half of his money. We cannot just pay you and say sayonara, no more pitchy pitchy for dicey dicey. Now, you are back in a real country, America. You play for a real team, the Boston Red Sox. You are going to do this our way and we do not think your ready. You can do one of two things. You can go to Florida and go through an extended spring training. We will make up an injury, put you on the DL, and you just have to go down there and throw to a bunch of hacks. Get your arm ready, slay some floridian women, and we will see you in a month. OR you can be buried to mop up duty in the bullpen and spend your time being heckled with racial slurs by Papelbon and deal with him constantly making fun of you because "The Throw In" Okajima has turned out much better than you have. And he makes $7 million less a year than you do. What do you think?"

His response will look something like this, "私がひどいことを知っていて、私をマイナーリーグに注文してください" And it's over with.

Bring up Smoltz. If he fails, bring up Bucholz. If they fail, bring up Michael Bowden. If all else fails, go get Benihana, stick him in the starting rotation, and try again. Please just stop the misery NOWWW!

"Four of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine."