Man Your Battlestations!

(Quietly my favorite Sox-Yankees moment of the last few years. Mike Lowell leveling Cano in the middle of the base paths breaking up a double play. What this doesn't show is that he ran over the catcher an inning later. Doesn't get any better than Mikey Lowell)

It has been awhile since I have written about the Red Sox. Half of it is because I am lazy and I have really let TDF down lately. But the other half is because I really do not know what to say about them. I watch every game and it seems like they are always doing one thing extremely well and one thing extremely bad. For example, Tuesday's game against the Blue Jays. They are hitting the cover off the ball, but Beckett and the bullpen would have faired better if they just put the ball on a tee. It was atrocious. This season is more perplexing than Caster Semenya. All that aside though, the last two games, they seem to have pulled it together. Everything has been clicking and just in time for a huge series with the Yankees.

I am not going to sit here and do the position comparisons because the Yankees trump the Sox in just about every category, except the bullpen and that is virtually a tie. Instead I will provide a preview for each game.

Game 1: Brad "I Don't Have An Out Pitch" Penny, goes up against Andy "Nobody Cares That I Cheated Cause Roger Clemens Is Such An Arrogant Fucking Moron" Pettitte. This pitching matchup undoubtedly favors the Evil Empire. The kids from Peabody have curveballs that would baffle the Yankees hitters more than that thing Penny lofts up there. It is amazing Fat Brad gets away with what he does, which isn't much because I don't think he has given up a soft hit all year. If Penny can chug through five or six innings without the Yankees reenacting their version of Hitler's Blitzkrieg, the Sox will have a fighting chance because their lefties, career-wise, have CRUSHed Andy Pettitte. Ortiz, .370, JD Drew, .375, and Ellsbury .417. Just for good measure, righties, Bay, .444, Youk .360, Lowell, .333. I am not going to break down the Yankees numbers against Penny because they have not had enough ABs and if they did it would be on par with fielding %. I'm talking REAL UGLY.

Game 2: Junichi Tazawa vs A.J. Burnett. Burnett sucks in Fenway Park, but he is going up against Tazawa who looks like he could be pitching for the Japan Little League and no one would bat an eye. The only good news for the Sox, there is no Mano-a-Mano factor with Burnett like there was last week when Josh Beckett was on the bump. No way Burnett goes into this start thinking "Oh man, gotta out-pitch Junichi Tazawa, that guy doesn't give an inch, neither can I!!" I do not know what to make of this game because there are a lot of factors. Thanks to Hurricane Billy Boy, there are gonna be rain delays, and also, the game is the Fox Game of the Week which means it will be 7 hours and last into the night. The Aflac "I Want To Rip My Ear Ears Off" Moment of the game will come when Tim McCarver tries to break down Junichi Tazawa's motion/pitches. "Junichi Tazawa has an un-orthodox delivery and throws a curveball. What is an un-orthodox delivery and a curveball? It's when he winds up very unusually and then throws a pitch called a "curveball", down and away from right handed hitters!"...At that time, you will hear Joe Buck yell out "BARTENDER!!" and I will be snuggling up next to a grenade and pulling the pin. That is about as much a preview as I have because this game is fucked.

Game 3: Last Tuesday aside, you have two of the best pitchers in baseball going Sunday night. Josh Beckett vs C.C. Sabathia. This has all the makings of a classic showdown and a mistake by wither pitcher could end up costing them the game. Except for the "soothing sounds" of Joe Morgan, this game should be extremely enjoyable to watch. CC has not pitched well in Fenway Park in years past, including multiple colossal choke jobs in the playoffs. But this is a different year and he is with a MUCH better team. Beckett has dominated the Yankees this year and no doubt will be back in sync after Tuesday's debacle. Especially because I think that Francona rolls out Tek to catch him for this game (IF healthy). The key to a Sox win will be to take advantage in the first two innings. Establish a lead early, because once CC settles in, forget it, he is going 8 and handing the ball to Mo. I like my chances if it's 3-0 Sox in the third inning with Beckett on the mound for a big game.

I don't like to make predictions, but I think the Sox take two of three here. The main problem in the last series (aside from the Penny game), was that their bats were colder than Hillary's whispering eye. Now they are Alba Hot. In these games a lot of it comes down to the last couple of at bats and being at home with the crowd at their back, I like the Sox to win the series. God I hope I am right.

(Side Note: If you haven't been watching Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Bengals, you are missing out. The un-intentional comedy is off the charts. From OchoCinco coining new catch phrases, to an inside look at Tank Johnson's home, to police officers coming in and telling them what they can and can't do off the field, it's just priceless. I kept waiting for the camera's to uncover an AK-47 and a pound of weed from Tank's humble abode. This is all going on while serious music plays quietly in the background and its being narrated by that guy with the monotone voice. The first practice Marvin Lewis has them playing Tug of War. Like REAL Tug of War. You watch this and realize why the Bengals are The Bengals.)