That's a Ten Point Buck-BG

Well Opening Day has come and gone for all teams in the MLB and overall I am thrilled baseball is back. If I could only figure out which DH to hang on to, Ortiz or Thome, in my fantasy league, I will be all set. Why did I draft two power hitters who cannot start at the same time in my fantasy lineup you ask? Because on draft night I got slightly inebriated and forgot about the draft. By the time I realized this it was the 11th round and I had three DHs. I don't want to talk anymore about it. 

Before I go on I just want to address one thing. It seems like once a week there are stories about these Somali "pirates", taking over ships and holding them ransom, blah blah blah. I don't want to get into how this keeps happening, I just want to address one thing. This, is not a fucking pirate. THIS is a fucking pirate. Real pirates roll up and commandeer ships with this, not a piece of shit like this. So until these Somalians start rolling up with massive sails, iron cannons, and swords, can we please stop using the term pirate? Call them "sea terrorists" or "skinnys" or how about just "Somalis"? When was the last time that someone referred to "Somalis" and it meant something good? Simply "Somalis" seems like a perfect name to me, so for fucks sake, stop calling them pirates. Settled. Moving on.

Opening Day. It really could not have gone any better for the sox, except for the Okajima hiccup in the 8th inning. Josh Beckett looked vintage Beckett and if you read my previous "My Sex is on Fire" Red Sox preview, I highlighted the importance of an opening day gem for Beckett. He got one. Pedroia, picked up where he left of, by getting on one knee, and golfing a homer into the monster seats. It was great to see Mike Lowell get an RBI double yesterday. Besides Beckett, the guy who who needed something good to happen the most, was Mike Lowell. Guarantee that when Leigh Teixeira comes to town with her husband Mark, Mikey snaps a photo of himself, banging Leigh, then puts it up in Leigh's husband Mark's locker with the caption, "Don't ever threaten my job again, this is how you control your wife". Only the first win for the sox, but a good one. Don't cry everyone, I did not forget about Tek's homer, but I need more from him. Sheilds missed his spot by 3 and half feet inside, right in Tek's wheel house and that ball is foul in 99% of ballparks. Time will tell. (Real Time update: Youk just made a stupid error and its 1-0 Rays, 1st and 2nd, nobody out in the 3rd, with Eva up. FML)

I finally figured out A-Rod. Sort of. You know the part in Zoolander when Derek just found out that Hanzel won Male Model of the Year, then quits male modeling and goes around searching for who he really is? You know what I am talking about. When, he is completely lost and not even his own family wants anything to do with him? "It's mer-man, it's a mer-man!" That is where A-Rod is right now. He's lost staring into his own reflection. That was deep.

While A-Rod started rehab in Tampa, the Yankees really got their money's worth in Baltimore. It is only one game and they are still going to be a great team this year, but I found a couple things amusing. C.C. "Fat-Ass-Thia" was downright awful. Welcome back to the American League, C.C.!! C.C. not only physically looked like shit (a given), but pitched like it too. Remember Double Dare on Nickelodeon, when they put on those really big pants on, with a hoola hoop for a waist band, that were only held up with red suspenders and the object was to throw as many pies into them as you could? I think C.C. wears those. Leigh's husband Mark was booed every single time he did anything. They even chanted "Teixeira Sux" in BALTIMORE. They might have to hire the national guard in Boston. A Rod is going to have some company when he comes back because Mr. Leigh Teixeira choked in every RBI situation he had and then celebrated like it was a World Series game when The Ugly Asian hit a home run to bring them within 2. Think he's feeling the pressure already? 

Congrats to the B's for locking up the #1 overall seed in their Quest for the Cup. The Bruins are playing their best hockey right now at the right time. They are getting healthy and the acquisition of Mark Recchi has not gone un-noticed. I will have a Bruins playoff outlook on the site next week. Lester sucked tonight, left behind 5-1. Not looking good for tonight, there goes my dreams of 162-0. Damn.

"Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Silver."