Moving on to something that normal people think about: Sports! Kind of mixed bag in the coming week. We have the C's limping to the finish and an Orangeless Final Four. On the other hand we have the B's hitting there stride again and ...Opening Day for the Sox! Here comes my Red Sox 2009 preview. Get some cold water, take off those sweatpants, and put some jeans on, cause you might get a little excited. Let's start with the lineup. The biggest question for me is whether David Ortiz will get back to being Big Papi and stop being Big Pussy. Everything that I have read states that he is healthy again. No clicking wrist, no spaghetti knee, and he has apparently got his "Cojones". My hope is that Big Papi, determined to prove to everyone that he can produce without Manny, goes for 35 and 130. If this happens, there is a very good chance that we will be hearing Mayor Menino mispronounce words again at the parade route announcement. I predict a big year from Jason Bay. Yes I am gay for Bay, big fan, don't judge me. (no homo) I also predict Mike Lowell will have a huge comeback year because he is playing with a "Paris-sized" chip on his shoulder. Mike Lowell will go, .290 with 22 bombs and get this.....110 RBIs. You heard it here. He is my favorite player on this team and Mikey was none too happy about all the Leigh Teixiera and Mark Teixiera signing talks. If you are an above average, World Series MVP, blue collar player, would you be happy being replaced by a guy who is $60 million overpaid, who lets his wife make his decisions for him? Leigh and Mark also haven't won shit in their lives. Mike Lowell, two rings. The good thing for Leigh and Mark is that Mark isn't the biggest fairy boy of the team, but he might be the most hated. The reason I say this, is because A-Roid has officially gone off the deep end. There aren't words to describe how messed up this guy is and although I hate him, it's so easy to hate him, he is starting to take the fun out of it. Maybe this is part of his master plan, I don't know.
Time for some Rotation talk. The biggest key for this season is getting Beckett off to a good start. Last year he came in a little overweight and then he had to go to Japan. Not only is everyone in Japan 5' 3", but all they eat is raw octopus and rice. They are skinny as fuck. It probably just magnified the issue in his mind. When you are a big "I live in Texas and slaughter my own cows" kind of guy, you are used to some fat ass people. I can't blame him. Add in the whole time zone thing and this is one mentally fucked up ace. I know it's the first start, but Opening Day will tell us a lot and let's hope we got the Texas Josh back. NEWS FLASH FOR EVERYONE!! Jon Lester has developed a changeup! My favorite pitch in baseball is a good changeup, ala Johan Santana, Pedro Martinez, Cole Hamels, just to name a few. A lefty who throws mid-90s, has location, a mean cutter, a smooth hammer, and now a devastating changeup!?!? I need a cold shower or a towel. Dice-K will be the same as last year. He will average 5 innings, 110 pitches, 6 walks, 7-8 Ks, and somehow win 15 games. I don't get it. I cannot stand watching him pitch and I will scalp my tickets if I know he is pitching. He has overtaken Steve Trachsel as the new "Human Rain Delay". This is me during every Dice-K start. But I will take the 15 W's. The wild card in this rotation is Brad Penny. When Brad Penny was at his best, he was flat out un-hittable. He just throws straight gas. High 90s and says "Hit this motherfucker!". This, however, will be a different Brad Penny. He might have to re-invent himself, like Schilling did. He is still going to have that low to mid 90s fastball, a table dropping slider, and a curve that resembles Beckett's. Let us not forget, that Penny was on the 2003 Marlins Championship team and was 2-0 with a 2.00 ERA against the Yanks. Will the real Brad Penny please stand up!
The Pirate Ship in the bullpen. The ship has lost its captain, Mike Timlin, and by all accounts will either be without one designated captain or the reigns could be handled to Jonathon Papelbon. That's about as good an idea as taking a floozy home and drunk driving along the Chappaquiddick bridge, right Ted? I love Paps, I mean the guy is a stud, when "Shipping up to Boston" comes on, I go crazy. However, after seeing Eastbound and Down, I cannot get the Papelbon-Kenny Powers comparisons out of my head. That scares me just a bit if Kenny Powers is the closer of my team. I know Kenny Powers is more Jon Rocker, but Paps is next. I am just saying, do not be surprised that come free agent time he demands 8 years $1 billion and starts ripping on Boston when they say "fuck you". If that happens, hello Daniel Bard, bye-bye Paps. Look for Okajima to have a bounce back season and Ramon Ramirez will overtake Delcarmen, who will be traded this year. Sorry, Manny. You grew up in Boston so you should know the expectations, live up to them. Justin Masterson will be in the rotation next year, I am praying to god, but his sinker is nearly untouchable, and should set up nicely in the 7th and 8th. I think that the bullpen is the strongest part of this team and much better than the Yankees, especially because Hank has put Joba the Hut in the starting rotation. If Joba was in the bullpen, it would be lights out if the Yanks had a lead after 7. I just don't get it, I never will, but I also do not care.
That is it for my preview. I don't do predictions because I am superstitious and I don't do previews for other teams, because I don't care about other teams. If you have not seen the six episodes of Eastbound and Down, I highly recommend it. I'm out for now, time to do something called work. I am still pissed that I missed the best C's game of the year when I could have gone for 12 bucks. FUCK! Last night just reminds me why Ray Allen is my favorite player. Till next time.
"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver."
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